Deep Breathing for the Soul

Today, I spent most of my time going through the edits on my next book. The editor reads the manuscript, then sends it back with questions, comments, and so on. I have to answer, edit, and so on.

This is the “grind” part of being an author. Did the source I quoted really not use commas where we think they should? Maybe we shouldn’t quote from the TNIV (major trauma, now resolved). You read through your work and see the “track changes” comments on each page and you want to pull your hair out. You want to just get through the 70,000 word manuscript, but then you want to check everything because this is the last time you can try to rewrite to say exactly what you were trying to say–but it has to be done by tomorrow.

I sat at the computer for eight hours today, editing. Did I mention that it was a gorgeous sunny summer day? Finally around 5 p.m. I went outside, and went for a run. My neighbors Bobbie and Colleen were out on Colleen’s porch, just talking. when I got back from my run, I went inside for a drink of water. Then I grabbed the leftover bruschetta I made yesterday, and went over to the porch for a glass of wine and a bit of conversation.

The porch is a place where we connect. We talk about everything from hair color to the keys to a good marriage, from the walk your schedule day at the junior high today to how to impart our values to our children. I’m blessed to live in a great neighborhood where I have close friends across the street and next door. But part of what makes it great is that I have learned when to get off the computer and go bring some bruschetta and bread over to the porch.

Do you have a porch? A place in your neighborhood where you gather to just connect, to just love on your neighbors?

Can I just say how much I enjoy summer? I’m writing on my laptop with the windows open to the evening chorus of songbirds. It’s warm but not so hot we need the air conditioning.

On my way home from work around 3 p.m., I drove past my friend Sharon’s house and saw her sitting on her front porch. I pulled in and sat and chatted with her for an hour–during which another neighbor, Kathy, came by and also joined us. This kind of thing simply can’t happen in the winter in Chicago.

Now, I had things to get done at home. But I wanted to connect with Sharon, and it was a gorgeous summer day. We just sat and caught up on life, our kids. We discussed things both trivial and deep. I just enjoy spending time with her. So without much effort, I chose to spend part of my day connecting with someone who brings me joy and laughter. I got to hear about the fun things going on in her life, and the challenges her family is facing. I know how to pray for her better after our conversation, and she offered some wisdom about some things going on in my life.

It feeds my soul to sit on a front step and talk with a friend. We often think soul care consists in studying the Bible or long times of solitude—which can be very helpful. But Jesus said the most important thing is to love God and love your neighbor. How can you love your neighbors if you don’t really take some time to know what’s going on in their lives? and when you are loved on by your neighbors, that feeds your soul as well.

I’m lucky to live in this neighborhood, and to have lived here for 17 years. Sharon and I have sons the same age, we were at their 8th grade graduation two days ago. We volunteered in their kindergarden class together, and now they are going to high school. Long term friendships like that are no small gift, and its important to nurture them.

This summer, I have a lot of work on my plate–book projects, my part-time job, stuff at home and with my kids. But I want to slow down enough to enjoy the amazing women God has put in my life. I want to be a friend who has time to stop and visit, to find the joy in the everyday.  To slow down enough to let summer and it’s spontaneous joys feed my soul.

As we listened to a message on Sabbath keeping a couple of weeks ago, my friend leaned over and whispered in my ear, “do you cook on Sabbath?”

It should be noted that I love to cook, while this friend does not.

So I whispered back, “Sometimes.”

The only thing we outlaw completely in our Sabbath practice is legalism. Often, we eat leftovers, or canned soup and sandwiches. But today, I planted herbs in the garden. and then, unexpectedly, my husband brought home sweet corn on the cob from the grocery store. It’s not corn season locally here in northern Illinois, that corn is likely from Florida or even Mexico. I worried about its quality, which could be compromised by its long journey from field to our table.

But fresh herbs cover a multitude of sins, so I thought my garden herbs might be able to rescue it. since I’d planned grilled chicken, I Googled grilled corn. I made an herb butter from the newly planted basil, my perennial thyme and parsley.

My family loved the simple dinner–grilled chicken, grilled corn with herb butter, rice and green beans. For me, cooking is a love language. when I can serve up something delicious, it is a way of showing love, a way of bringing joy to our table. When the weather turns warm, I seem to warm up to cooking. I stow the crock pot, fire up the grill, visit the garden and feel joy. When my kids say “Great dinner, mom,” I feel God’s’ smile.

Sabbath is a day to put aside the shoulds, the “ought to’s” and obligations. It is a day to connect with your family–in the garden or around the table. So should you cook on Sabbath? If it genuinely brings you joy and draws you closer to the heart of God. If it doesn’t, throw in a frozen pizza or open a box of cereal, and enjoy time with your family. Sabbath is about unhurried community, about joy. it is about refusing to feel guilt. If cooking brings that kind of freedom and joy to your life, then cook on Sabbath. But if cooking stresses you out and feels like drudgery or joyless work, then don’t do it. enjoy your freedom from cooking on this day. I think that’s what Jesus was talking about when he said the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath.

Your thoughts?

also, here’s the corn recipe:

Take corn, carefully peel back husks, keeping them attached to the cob. Remove silk. Smooth husks back in place.

soak corn in cold water with a tablespoon or two of sugar for 15 minutes, then drain.

Grill corn in husks about 3 to 5 minutes per side.

Carefully pull back husks, grill corn until slightly charred, 5 to 10 minutes, turning occasionally.

slather with butter mixed with minced herbs and lime juice.

I’m guest blogging about Sabbath and its role in spiritual formation all over the place this week. It’s been fun to connect with other writers and bloggers and create some new content.

If you’re interested in using any of the articles, say in a newsletter or a church website, just leave me a comment or use the contact form to get in touch. I’m happy to grant permission for use as long as you give attribution.

Here are a few sites that are running some articles I’ve written this week:

Spiritual disciplines for writers

What Moms really want for Mother’s Day

Sailing and Sabbath

What Jesus said about Sabbath

10 Steps to Sabbath Rest

Please visit these blogs and leave a comment or question–the bloggers will appreciate it. And stop back here and tell me which article you enjoyed or which blog you want to start reading regularly!

Earth Day seems to have morphed into Earth Month, hasn’t it? Well, as Earth Month draws to a close, I written a new article on how spending time in creation can draw us close to the heart of God, and give us some space to enjoy Sabbath rest. My friend Tracey Bianchi, (author of Green Mama: the Guilt-Free guide to helping you and your kids save the planet) has posted my article on her blog. So click on over and read it, leave a comment and tell a friend!!

Tonight is the first of a dozen or so “Christmas Eve” services at Willow Creek, our home church for the last two decades. I’ve seen every kind of service imaginable on Christmas at Willow, including one that looked like Cirque de Solei a few years back. I’m hoping the recession will protect us from something like that again. I prefer something simpler.

We’re taking the family next door, and another couple, to church with us, then inviting them back for coffee and dessert at our house.

One of the ways we as a family show God’s love to others is through our hospitality. I’m not talking Martha Stewart-type entrtaining. I’m talking about welcoming people to our modest, cozy home, and making them feel welcome. Putting out a few cookies, putting on a pot of coffee and just enjoying some conversation. this morning as I head off to work for a few hours, then come home to tidy up the house, I’ll be praying for those conversations.

To us, hospitality is a spiritual practice. In a way, it’s an offering we bring to God, with hopes it will be blessed, and its effects multiplied. We are not the kind of family that sits down for long family devotions, but hospitality is a spiritual practice we engage in as a group. It draws us together, while drawing us toward God. It reminds us of how God has welcomed us, and makes us grateful.

What are you doing this Christmas to connect with your family, and with God? What offering of your time and effort do you bring? What practices make you more grateful?

Are you feeling thankful yet? Or just busy?

I’m juggling work, deadlines, and planning dinner for 12 people (five of whom are new to the country, strangers to us, and may not speak much English). I’m an over-planner, trying to figure out exact timetables to get the turkey, potatoes, veggies and stuffing all on the table at the same time, since I”m doing the shopping and cooking for this meal by myself! I’ve actually written out a schedule for the day!

I do love to plan, but I find that if I over-plan, I tend to lose my joy. I never want to forget that holidays are holy days, and this holy day is about gratitude! If you need some perspective on that idea, click here to read my latest “For Your Soul” column at christianitytoday.com

Also, I just wanted to let you know that I will be a guest on Midday Connection, a great radio program on Moody Radio, tomorrow. The show airs on 90.1 FM in Chicago from noon to 1 p.m. You can also tune in on-line at  http://www.moodyradio.org/middayconnection.aspx

I’m going to be talking about making a difference right where you are, as host Anita Lustrea and I talk about my new book, Simple Compassion. I’m bringing a couple of copies of Simple Compassion to give away on the show. And check back at this blog on Wednesday. If you listen to the show I’ll tell you how to get another chance to win a free book here on the blog.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Do you ever spend time alone? On purpose? Maybe to pray, or just be still?

The practice of solitude is can be life-changing. It’s hard to understand until you do it, but when you get alone with God to simply be still, to listen, you can be transformed. So often, we long for the presence of God in our lives, but we are moving too quickly to be able to pay attention. When we get alone and get quiet, it is possible to experience the presence and love of God in a way that we cannot do while rushing about.

I put a question out on Facebook & Twitter last week: “Is solitude a regular practice in your life? Why or why not?”

I got some wonderful responses describing personal retreats, or ordinary moments of prayer. FB friend Julie commented: ”Would have to say it is primary prevention for burnout as well as general maintenance for overall physical, mental and spiritual health.”

On Twitter, a mom of four kids asked: “And I’m going to achieve solitude….how? :-)” She later tweeted that she had solitude for a minute or two as she walked out to the end of her driveway to get the paper in the morning.

If you think that solitude is an impossible practice because of your stage of life or maybe your personality (extroverts sometimes squirm at the idea of this practice)–you need it all the more. I’ve said it before, but if you are the parent of young children, and can rarely even go to the bathroom by yourself, you need to occasionally get alone. It’s essential self-care. It will nourish your soul, and make you a better parent, friend, wife, etc.

I tell moms to hire a sitter for an hour to be able to get time in solitude. If you can afford that, do it. If not, find a like-minded friend to trade childcare with, and take an hour or two to get away by yourself. Not to shop or run errands, but to be with Jesus.

I realize that’s not easy–especially if you don’t see the value in it. But you’ll never see the value of solitude if you don’t experience it.

Sometimes you have to find solitude and silence wherever you can. Today I had a couple of hours of solitude because I had to make a two hour drive by myself. I decided not to make phone calls, I kept the radio off. I talked to God, I tried to listen. I simply rested in the quiet, even as I was driving along enjoying the view of the leaves turning colors.

When I find myself longing for more of God, spending time in solitude and silence eases the ache in my heart. How about you?

I had the opportunity to be interviewed on an Australian radio program this week about my book Rest. It will air in a few weeks, I’ll post the link then.

                One question the interviewer asked me was, “What do you do on Sabbath? Is it a day to do nothing? Or a day of worship?”

                So what do you do on Sabbath—a day dedicated to God, and to rest? I told him it was a day of absolute freedom from “have-to.” The Bible says it is not just a day to chill out and do your own thing, and yet it is a gift from God. But as I went through my Sabbath day yesterday, I tried to notice—what is it that I do, on this day of rest? The phrase that kept coming to me was the ministry of availability. I showed up—at church, at a neighbor’s home, for my kids—and God met me in it. I was not busy going anywhere else, so I could be fully present with the people God put in my path.

So yesterday, I went to church. Later, I brought some of Aaron’s outgrown clothes over to a friend for her nephew, and had time to just sit and chat for a while with her. I stopped by at my neighbors’, Jeff and Lisa, to drop off a book. And to ask how their daughter Katie is doing—she was recently diagnosed with cancer (see previoius post). I had time to visit for a few minutes, to try to listen. There was no place I had to rush off too.

I had lunch with my son at the kitchen table. He went off for a bike ride with his friends, to play basketball with the kids down the street. I puttered in my garden, in a loosely-held solitude, enjoying the sun, the flowers, the feel of the earth in my hands. My neighbor Jeff was mowing his lawn, and he stopped and we chatted for a few minutes. My daughter texted to ask for a ride home from youth group. I was available to pick her and her friends up. I didn’t have anywhere else I needed to be.

I did a little weeding, but set no goals. When my neighbors Colleen and Tony came out on their front porch, the dog and I walked over to sit and chat for a while.

I made dinner—pork tenderloin, peas and risotto. Risotto requires adding broth and stirring, slowly and repeatedly, for about 20 minutes. It’s a very Zen sort of cooking experience. You have to stay present.  Preparing it feels very loving to me–and nearly impossible on weeknights full of carpooling and work. But on Sabbath, such attentiveness is not only possible, but enjoyable. We gathered as a family around a simple meal, and talked about life, about the coming week, about what we’d learned at church.

                After dinner we put a fire in the fireplace, and just hung out together. The kids finished their homework.

                Maybe a day dedicated to God is a day that moves slowly enough that you have time to listen, time to be available.  Maybe connecting with God on this day doesn’t require effort as much as it requires simply showing up, and seeing Him in the faces of the people around you.

My husband called me at about 6:40 pm. “Is it okay if my small group meets at our house tonight?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said. “What time?”

“Seven,” he said. I realized that “is it okay?” means “I’ve already invited them to…”

There was a day this would have unhinged me. But today, it did not. For one thing, this same husband had cleaned up the kitchen this morning before leaving for work. And my kids are on vacation this week, which means the house stays cleaner longer. I’m also really grateful that my husband is in a men’s group.

 But even when they’re here, my kids, now teens, do not wreak havoc in the house the way they did when they were younger. Back then, they seemed to spew a trail of Lego’s, dress-up clothes, story books and general mess everywhere they went. Now, most of their clutter is contained to their rooms, and they actually help clean the rest of the house, when they are here.

So in the 15 minutes I had before the guys arrived, I picked up the newspapers that have accumulated, threw the pile of shoes and assorted junk in the front hall into the closet, and lit a candle. If you can’t clean, at least make it smell good is my philosophy.

Besides my kids getting older (and taking vacations without me) the other thing that’s changed is my attitude. Scot and I see our home as a place where we can welcome people, where we can engage in the spiritual practice of hospitality–which does not require a perfect house but does require a willing heart. We see this house as God’s, and ourselves as stewards of it.  What once would have infuritated me now brings me joy, because it feels like a team effort to demonstrate the love of God. It’s moved from a “have to” to a “get to,” from obligation to privilege.