Deep Breathing for the Soul

At the beginning of spring break, which was last week, I was out in my garden. I posted these photos of my crocuses, which are up and blooming.

One week later, we awoke to a snowstorm. this is not surprising–after more than forty years in Chicago, I should know that even in April, snow is not a surprise.

How do you react to life’s unexpected storms? This is a time of unexpected turbulence in our economy, in our world. God promises to be with us always, to be our shelter from the storm.

My dog can't believe it either.

In the last few years, I’ve noticed something odd. When I would tell people that my daughter was 13 (or 14), they’d furrow their brow, and say “oohh,” with a mixture of cynicism and sympathy that I found puzzling. As if they were saying, oh, too bad, those are difficult years. I have not found that to be the case.

My daughter turned 15 yesterday, my son turned 13 three weeks ago. They are both delightful kids. Are they different from when they were younger? of course. They will ride in the car with me and say very little sometimes, but when my daughter and her friends are in her room, the chatter is constant. I think what helps is that I realize this is appropriate behavior, from a developmental point of view. I am trying to parent with the end in mind, and having them become more independent, having their friends take an increasingly important role, is a step in the right direction–toward growing up.

They still enjoy time with us, which is great. Last night, in our birthday tradition, my daughter got to pick the menu (steak and potatoes). We ate as a family, and went around the table, each saying what we liked about her.  (another important birthday traditon at our house). Her brother offered things like “you’re not always mean to me” which we laughed about and asked him to try and state in a positive way. Her dad and I each offered blessings as well.

We played Ping Pong, video games, and dominoes. We ate chocolate cheesecake and laughed.

All this week, during spring break, Melanie has either had her friends over or been at their homes. Our house has been full of noise and energy. Tonight we’ll have a group of her friends over for dinner and a sleepover, since they’re kind of beyond the age for birthday parties (which, I have to admit, is a relief. I was not so good at entertaining a bunch of kids for a few hours when they were younger).

I respect who my daughter is becoming–a woman of faith. I try to name her strengths out loud–she’s a leader, a loyal friend, kind, sure of her opinions–not just on her birthday but often.

Question:  what are some of the joys and challenges of parenting, in your experience? What advice or questions do you have?

This week is spring break—and while some of our friends are traveling to warmer climes, we’re at home, running errands in the rain.

            As much as I wish I were someplace warm, I love this time of year, this time of hope. When the sun peaks through, I’m out in the garden, where it appears at first that all is still brown: dead leaves, dead stems. But a bit of judicious trimming and careful clearing reveals that growth is afoot. And despite the wild swings in temperature, the crocuses have emerged. They return each year, but I never tire of the thrill of seeing that first shock of yellow in my mostly brown yard.

            I don’t have to do anything to make the crocuses, which I planted as bulbs years ago, come up. That is just what crocuses do.

            In both front and backyard gardens, I have sedums, which bloom in the fall. Their thick stalks are now brown and hollow, so when I first approach, they look like this:

But at the base of each dead stem, new buds are forming. I trim the old away carefully, to reveal a little nest of new growth.

            Have you planted things in your life that routinely bring you joy, like the crocuses?

            Does your soul sometimes feel like the first picture, of dead leaves and useless stems? Are there ideas, activities or thinking patterns that need to be cleared carefully away to make room for new growth? Do you simply need to create some space?

            What’s going on in the garden of your soul?

My friend and fellow writer Karen Mains’ latest newsletter is up, and it’s another good one. She’s reviewing Gary Haugen’s latest book, Just Courage, and looking at how our outward professions of faith don’t always match our actions. It’s a helpful and challenging article, as always. Read it here, and be sure to leave a comment about what you think!

Many of you know I’ve written quite a few articles about human trafficking for Today’s Christian Woman.  (Read one by clicking here) All over the world, there are more people trapped in slavery today than there were during the height of the African slave trade to England and America. The articles in TCW sought to enlighten people about the problem of sexual slavery in particular, and to inspire them to take action. God’s heart breaks for the poor, for the disenfranchised. His means of helping them? You and I.

Many young girls end up being caught in prostitution because they are lied to. They leave their families hoping for promised jobs in housekeeping or food service, taken to unfamiliar places, only to realize that they are captives, forced to work in the sex trade. Many are young children, who are sold into slavery by their families.

Fellow writer Lucy Ann Moll is blogging today about her simple plan to take action to help girls trapped in sexual slavery. Click here to Read her blog, and then, figure out what you might want to do to set girls free. Our freedom is gift. Should we not use it to fight for justice, if only because we can?

I taught last week at Willow Creek’s Wednesday night classes, on Reading the Bible Devotionally in Groups. You can listen or download by going to this page (it’s week 3).

Take a listen, and let me know what you think.

Also, check out my Rest YouTube video. leave a comment on either of the two videos before midnight Friday, and you could win a free copy of Rest.

My publicist sent me a link this morning to an opinion column in the Chattanooga Free Press. A columnist had mentioned my book Rest. Pretty fun. You can read it by clicking here. I’d love it if you’d leave a comment on that site, sharing your Sabbath experiences and thoughts.

Today, I have been married eighteen years. In a row. To the same person.

This is no small accomplishment, given our culture’s view of marriage as a disposable commodity. And given that I am married to a difficult person.

But then again, so is he. We are both difficult people, which is to say, we are human beings, who happen to have opinions, which sometimes differ. I suppose that makes it all the more intriguing that we are still here—waking up next to each other. Well, I’m awake, and he’s actually still in bed. I’m a morning person, he’s not. I see the kids off to school, he waits up for them when they’re out. I went to bed last night before he did, he stayed up and cleaned the kitchen. (Love that).

I remember one of our marriage counselors saying to us that marriage is a crucible, wherein your character is refined. After eighteen years, I can attest to the truth of that metaphor.

A crucible is a heat-resistant bowl, in which refiners burn off the impurities in precious metals. Even after eighteen years, I am still learning about the impurities in my character—my tendency to smooth things over by enabling, for example. My fear of asking for what I need, my resentment when those needs go unmet. My tendency to see my opinions as fact. These small flaws I tend to ignore, and focus on the more glaring (in my opinion) weaknesses of my spouse.

I’m a slow learner, but after eighteen years, I am learning that I should not focus on my husband’s flaws. Nor should I focus on my own.

Rather, we should both focus on the sufficiency of Christ. When we expect our marriage (or any human relationship) to give us what only God can really give us, we are bound to be disappointed. When we connect with Divine Love, when we let Jesus meet that soul hunger, two things happen: it takes the pressure off of our marriage to provide something it cannot, and we get the love we need.

            “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…when I am weak, I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9,10)