Deep Breathing for the Soul

Can I just say how much I enjoy summer? I’m writing on my laptop with the windows open to the evening chorus of songbirds. It’s warm but not so hot we need the air conditioning.

On my way home from work around 3 p.m., I drove past my friend Sharon’s house and saw her sitting on her front porch. I pulled in and sat and chatted with her for an hour–during which another neighbor, Kathy, came by and also joined us. This kind of thing simply can’t happen in the winter in Chicago.

Now, I had things to get done at home. But I wanted to connect with Sharon, and it was a gorgeous summer day. We just sat and caught up on life, our kids. We discussed things both trivial and deep. I just enjoy spending time with her. So without much effort, I chose to spend part of my day connecting with someone who brings me joy and laughter. I got to hear about the fun things going on in her life, and the challenges her family is facing. I know how to pray for her better after our conversation, and she offered some wisdom about some things going on in my life.

It feeds my soul to sit on a front step and talk with a friend. We often think soul care consists in studying the Bible or long times of solitude—which can be very helpful. But Jesus said the most important thing is to love God and love your neighbor. How can you love your neighbors if you don’t really take some time to know what’s going on in their lives? and when you are loved on by your neighbors, that feeds your soul as well.

I’m lucky to live in this neighborhood, and to have lived here for 17 years. Sharon and I have sons the same age, we were at their 8th grade graduation two days ago. We volunteered in their kindergarden class together, and now they are going to high school. Long term friendships like that are no small gift, and its important to nurture them.

This summer, I have a lot of work on my plate–book projects, my part-time job, stuff at home and with my kids. But I want to slow down enough to enjoy the amazing women God has put in my life. I want to be a friend who has time to stop and visit, to find the joy in the everyday.  To slow down enough to let summer and it’s spontaneous joys feed my soul.

As we listened to a message on Sabbath keeping a couple of weeks ago, my friend leaned over and whispered in my ear, “do you cook on Sabbath?”

It should be noted that I love to cook, while this friend does not.

So I whispered back, “Sometimes.”

The only thing we outlaw completely in our Sabbath practice is legalism. Often, we eat leftovers, or canned soup and sandwiches. But today, I planted herbs in the garden. and then, unexpectedly, my husband brought home sweet corn on the cob from the grocery store. It’s not corn season locally here in northern Illinois, that corn is likely from Florida or even Mexico. I worried about its quality, which could be compromised by its long journey from field to our table.

But fresh herbs cover a multitude of sins, so I thought my garden herbs might be able to rescue it. since I’d planned grilled chicken, I Googled grilled corn. I made an herb butter from the newly planted basil, my perennial thyme and parsley.

My family loved the simple dinner–grilled chicken, grilled corn with herb butter, rice and green beans. For me, cooking is a love language. when I can serve up something delicious, it is a way of showing love, a way of bringing joy to our table. When the weather turns warm, I seem to warm up to cooking. I stow the crock pot, fire up the grill, visit the garden and feel joy. When my kids say “Great dinner, mom,” I feel God’s’ smile.

Sabbath is a day to put aside the shoulds, the “ought to’s” and obligations. It is a day to connect with your family–in the garden or around the table. So should you cook on Sabbath? If it genuinely brings you joy and draws you closer to the heart of God. If it doesn’t, throw in a frozen pizza or open a box of cereal, and enjoy time with your family. Sabbath is about unhurried community, about joy. it is about refusing to feel guilt. If cooking brings that kind of freedom and joy to your life, then cook on Sabbath. But if cooking stresses you out and feels like drudgery or joyless work, then don’t do it. enjoy your freedom from cooking on this day. I think that’s what Jesus was talking about when he said the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath.

Your thoughts?

also, here’s the corn recipe:

Take corn, carefully peel back husks, keeping them attached to the cob. Remove silk. Smooth husks back in place.

soak corn in cold water with a tablespoon or two of sugar for 15 minutes, then drain.

Grill corn in husks about 3 to 5 minutes per side.

Carefully pull back husks, grill corn until slightly charred, 5 to 10 minutes, turning occasionally.

slather with butter mixed with minced herbs and lime juice.

I’m not a fan of store-bought flowers, even florist-bought flowers. But I love having flowers in the house. I’m also not a big fan of Mother’s Day–or I should say, I’m not keen on the pressure we put on the day to be more terrific than any day is capable of being. My prayer that morning was “Lord, help me keep my expectations low.”

That may sound cynical–but that’s not my heart. Maybe if I sugar-coated it, I’d pray, Help me not to buy into the hype the world puts on this day. this is my 16th Mother’s Day as a mom. My family gives it their best effort.  I knew my husband would be furiously scribbling a card even as the kids hand me theirs. I knew my husband wanted to cook for me, even though it took him several hours to make dinner–I appreciated his efforts, if only for the fact that they made him appreciate my daily ability to get dinner on the table. But I think we put too much pressure on this day to be more perfect than it possibly can be. So I vowed to take the day as it came and find joy in it.

My family knows I prefer nice words, inscribed on homemade cards. (which I received this year, with great joy). Don’t get me flowers–I’d rather gather those myself. This time of year, there are plenty of flowers coming up in my garden–perennials I planted years ago, which return every May to delight me and remind me that life is always renewing itself, that God’s mercies are new every morning.

So on Mother’s Day morning, I wandered out to the garden, to shop in God’s free store for myself. Most of what’s blooming was small and close to the ground. Forget me nots, for example. Their finger-tip sized blossoms, intricate designs of periwinkle with a yellow center which can only be seen if you are inches away, often hide behind other plants (okay, weeds). Finding them is a delight.

I also noticed that Lily of the Valley was blooming. The narcissus were almost done, but I found two that were still in good shape. I added some fern frods–I have so many ferns in my perennial bed I’m tearing them out. They were choking the bellflowers. Here’s the bouquet I created from what was blooming in my yard–all perennials that come back each year. I far exceeded my own expectations, and found joy. If you didn’t get flowers this Mother’s Day, allow me to share mine with you.

My friend Linda Bryant has a great little blog that you should check out. I got to do a guest post last week, so stop by and check it out, but read her other stuff, all on the topic of finding joy in the midst of life’s changes. Really good stuff.

I’m guest blogging on my friend Anita Lustrea’s website today about how to get started on building a Sabbath habit. You can start reading the article here:

Life sometimes seem to spin past us so fast. Our family, career, church, friends all seem to have needs that can consume us. Our involvements and obligations are not often optional. But there comes a point when it can feel a bit overwhelming. We need a rest.The God who made us, who designed our bodies and souls, knew that we would not be able to function non-stop 24-7. That’s why when he laid out the rules for life, the best way to live, he told us to rest. It seem odd that people would have to be commanded to take a day off—until we look in the mirror and realize we don’t obey that command. But just as our bodies need sleep to function, they’re also hard-wired by our creator to need a weekly break. (Click here to read the rest of the article).

I’d love to hear your comments about this article. If you’d like to reprint it, just let me know, I’d love to share it with you.

What a week. I love to cook, so this holiday, for me, is all about the food, not the shopping. So I cooked all day Wednesday and half of Thursday, and then we ate leftovers Friday through Sunday. I still have some pretty good turkey soup left! And of course, this weekend is about gratitude, even in the face of some challenges.  

It bugged me a bit that there was so much emphasis, even on the news, this holiday weekend, about shopping. Somehow Thanksgiving has morphed from a day of thankfulness to a day to spend money on stuff we really don’t need. I’m not trying to be grumpy. I appreciate that rather than buying stuff for themselves, people are at least buying things for others—they are giving gifts. And while I refuse to get up early to shop on “black Friday,” I did do some shopping late Friday afternoon and on Saturday. But even as I am buying sweaters for people I love, I know they really don’t need another sweater. My friends know I am gift-giving challenged, and hopefully they will give me a bit of credit for at least trying.

Now that my kids are teenagers, I can pretty much avoid the toy aisle at Target. But I ventured into that section anyway, as I wanted to get some toys for the Breakthrough Urban Ministries Christmas Store. The annual Christmas Store is is a great way to help inner-city under-resourced families. Rather than just receiving a handout or gifts, families living in Breakthrough’s neighborhood (East Garfield Park in Chicago) can come to the center where the “store” will be set up on Dec. 19. They can buy items for a reduced price using regular money or “Breakthrough Bucks” they’ve earned through ministry activities throughout the year. 

What an empowering way to help those less fortunate!

In addition to collecting donations from neighbors and doing some shopping myself, I’m taking a group of neighbors down to Breakthrough’s ministry center on Dec. 19 to volunteer at the store.

If you live in the Chicago area, you might consider donating gifts or even offering your time to this very cool Christmas event. Or, pick another charity—Samaritan’s Purse is an international organization whose Operation Christmas Child provides gift boxes for children across the globe. Project Angel Tree collects gifts for children of people in prison.

As the holiday shopping season begins, consider buying a gift for someone who’s not on your list, but could use a bit of hope this Christmas season.

Oh, and with all the holiday cooking etc. I didn’t get a chance to blog about the winners of the book drawing.

So our winners are Erika S., Sherri D., Sheri, Kelly J. and Susan M. Congratulations! If you didn’t win this time, keep checking this blog for other book giveaways!

My son Aaron waded gingerly into the murky water of the pond in the front lawn of our church. Along with hundreds of other people, he was getting baptized. In a large church like ours, baptism is a spectacle of sorts. People picnic on the lawn and cheer as a dozen people at a time are dunked under the water.

Ten feet out from the wooden stairs into the lake was Scott Rubin, the leader of Elevate, our junior high ministry. Scott knows our family, and knows Aaron. In a church that baptizes 300 people at a time and has close to 20,000 attending each weekend, it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. To have someone know you is no small gift.

As Aaron stood between Scott and Jason (another leader from Elevate), I watched from the dock, my camera ready. He had gone into the pond with serious intentions—he did not take this step lightly. But as they stood there, waiting for others to make their way to other pastors and elders standing in the pond, Scott began talking to Aaron. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I watched Aaron’s expression change from serious to tender. He looked as if he were about to cry. I lifted my sunglasses so he could see my eyes, which were also filled with tears. Thankfully, my daughter was beside me taking photos, because I was too caught up in the moment to do much with my own camera.

He told me later that Scott had told him, “Aaron, you’ve got a great family, but this is just about you. God is watching you this moment, and this is about you and God.”

I’m sure that Scott said more to my boy in those few moments in the pond. I know he and Jason baptized a lot of junior high kids that day, and it would be easy for it to begin to feel routine for them. But I am so grateful that he made an effort to speak truth to my son, to affirm and encourage him in this important step. Scott and his wife Lynette have loved on both my kids for years, and I’m so incredibly grateful for their ministry at our church.

We talked at dinner about what happened—in his typical 13-year-old introvert way, he just told us some of the things Scott had said, and that he had felt like he might cry. He didn’t really tell us much about what he had felt, but when he came out of the water, he said he felt “achieved.” Which, I didn’t tell him, is not a feeling, precisely. But I know him well enough to understand.

He’s a quiet, creative child in a family of strong, leader types. But thanks to a sensitive and encouraging leader, he realized that this was his moment. A defining moment, a rite of passage, that no one else could do for him. He was following Jesus on his own, rather than being just swept along in the crowd of our little Christian family, or our big Christian church. To witness this day was a gift.

Tuesday is the best night, because neither of my kids has practice. No driving, no working in dinner around sports and carpools.

So after dinner, Aaron and I lay on the two couches in the living room, reading. Sweet silence, punctuated by the occasional sound of turning pages (truly one of my favorite sounds in the world).

And Aaron says, “Mom, want to hear a great literary device?” He’s reading To Kill A Mockingbird. “Of course,” I say. He reads this great line: “bacon frying, crisp as the twilight air.” Thank you, Harper Lee. What a sentence. Even better: that my 12-year-old recognizes a good sentence when he reads one,  and that he knew I would love to hear it.

No matter that he is counting the pages until he is done with his reading assignment for the night.  To share a literary moment with my pre-teen boy is a gift, and I try to savor the gratitude that rushes into my heart.

My family and I just returned from a vacation in Yellowstone National Park and Grand Teton National Park. Five days spent hiking, seeing wildlife and just driving through some amazing scenery reminded me just how much I love being outside.

            I come alive when I am surrounded by natural beauty: mountains and waterfalls and sub-alpine meadows thick with wildflowers. My soul is fed by nature, connected to the Creator by the creation.

            I grew up hiking and spending time in woods, on trails. Bringing my children into this environment brought me great joy.

My husband, who grew up sailing, rather than hiking, found the adjustment a bit trying. He was full of questions about things that seemed obvious to me. He was a little cranky at times, perhaps feeling out of his element.      

            At one point, I must admit, the family togetherness became a little suffocating. I became excessively impatient, and demanded a moment alone. “help,” I cried, standing in a restaurant parking lot. I looked up at mountains soaked in the colors of the setting sun. And God spoke to me, listening to my complaints and even providing words for my prayer: “I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.”

            God answered with an intense awareness of his presence, a reminder of his faithfulness, evoked in part by the view.

            I live where the world is flat, and not particularly beautiful. I absorbed mountain views as best I could, to last me until the next time.

 One thing was very clear to me after spending time in the wilderness. It feeds me in a way that nothing else does. Even living in the Midwest, my spiritual health requires spending time outside: gardening or walking or just sitting. I have an outdoor soul, and I need to nourish it by spending time in creation. Being out of doors inspires me to worshipping the God who came up with the idea of beauty in the first place.

So, what feeds your soul? What brings you into the presence of God? Where do you hear his voice most clearly?

I’d love to hear from you.

p.s. You can see more photos on my Facebook page.