Deep Breathing for the Soul

As we listened to a message on Sabbath keeping a couple of weeks ago, my friend leaned over and whispered in my ear, “do you cook on Sabbath?”

It should be noted that I love to cook, while this friend does not.

So I whispered back, “Sometimes.”

The only thing we outlaw completely in our Sabbath practice is legalism. Often, we eat leftovers, or canned soup and sandwiches. But today, I planted herbs in the garden. and then, unexpectedly, my husband brought home sweet corn on the cob from the grocery store. It’s not corn season locally here in northern Illinois, that corn is likely from Florida or even Mexico. I worried about its quality, which could be compromised by its long journey from field to our table.

But fresh herbs cover a multitude of sins, so I thought my garden herbs might be able to rescue it. since I’d planned grilled chicken, I Googled grilled corn. I made an herb butter from the newly planted basil, my perennial thyme and parsley.

My family loved the simple dinner–grilled chicken, grilled corn with herb butter, rice and green beans. For me, cooking is a love language. when I can serve up something delicious, it is a way of showing love, a way of bringing joy to our table. When the weather turns warm, I seem to warm up to cooking. I stow the crock pot, fire up the grill, visit the garden and feel joy. When my kids say “Great dinner, mom,” I feel God’s’ smile.

Sabbath is a day to put aside the shoulds, the “ought to’s” and obligations. It is a day to connect with your family–in the garden or around the table. So should you cook on Sabbath? If it genuinely brings you joy and draws you closer to the heart of God. If it doesn’t, throw in a frozen pizza or open a box of cereal, and enjoy time with your family. Sabbath is about unhurried community, about joy. it is about refusing to feel guilt. If cooking brings that kind of freedom and joy to your life, then cook on Sabbath. But if cooking stresses you out and feels like drudgery or joyless work, then don’t do it. enjoy your freedom from cooking on this day. I think that’s what Jesus was talking about when he said the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath.

Your thoughts?

also, here’s the corn recipe:

Take corn, carefully peel back husks, keeping them attached to the cob. Remove silk. Smooth husks back in place.

soak corn in cold water with a tablespoon or two of sugar for 15 minutes, then drain.

Grill corn in husks about 3 to 5 minutes per side.

Carefully pull back husks, grill corn until slightly charred, 5 to 10 minutes, turning occasionally.

slather with butter mixed with minced herbs and lime juice.

My friend Linda Bryant has a great little blog that you should check out. I got to do a guest post last week, so stop by and check it out, but read her other stuff, all on the topic of finding joy in the midst of life’s changes. Really good stuff.

Just a reminder that tomorrow is Father’s Day. I got to spend some time with my dad last week, when he and my mom came out to visit (they live in Calif.).
The more I experience with my kids, the more I appreciate my parents. For example, this week I started teaching my daughter to drive. She’s doing great, but man, there are so many things for her to think about. It’s crazy.
My dad taught me to drive on back roads, in a stick shift Volkswagon Rabbitt. So in addition to turning, accelerating, braking, looking, I had to learn to shift as well! Teaching my daughter to drive an automatic has given me a deeper appreciation of my dad’s amazing patience and kindness. He never yelled. He never grabbed the wheel (which I did the first two times she drove–only to avoid parked cars!!).
Think about struggles you have with your kids–whether it’s getting up with a crying baby in the middle of the night, disciplining a toddler or setting a curfew for your teen. And think about the fact that your parents went through that and more with you.
Then, if you can, call your dad and just say thanks.

Tuesday is the best night, because neither of my kids has practice. No driving, no working in dinner around sports and carpools.

So after dinner, Aaron and I lay on the two couches in the living room, reading. Sweet silence, punctuated by the occasional sound of turning pages (truly one of my favorite sounds in the world).

And Aaron says, “Mom, want to hear a great literary device?” He’s reading To Kill A Mockingbird. “Of course,” I say. He reads this great line: “bacon frying, crisp as the twilight air.” Thank you, Harper Lee. What a sentence. Even better: that my 12-year-old recognizes a good sentence when he reads one,  and that he knew I would love to hear it.

No matter that he is counting the pages until he is done with his reading assignment for the night.  To share a literary moment with my pre-teen boy is a gift, and I try to savor the gratitude that rushes into my heart.

Well, it’s back to my job as taxi-driver this week. My kids both have practice (Aaron for football, Melanie for futbol (aka soccer)).

They both practice every night at 5:30, so getting them where they need to go, on time, was going to be challenging. That’s why I thank God for carpools. But tonight, I have to drive both carpools. Which means five kids in my mini-van, going to two different practices. Continue Reading »

Parenting teens is not easy. This afternoon both my kids took their window screens off of their windows, to let more air in, they said. They leaned the screens on the roof outside their windows. I pointed out that the screens could easily be blown off the roof and get wrecked, and told them in no uncertain terms that they had better forget any ideas they had about climbing out onto the roof.

They said that of course they had no intentions of climbing out their windows. Of course. Yeah, right. We quickly replaced the screens.

So sometimes, you have to be very clear about your “no.” But I always try to say yes to those things that won’t cause property or bodily damages. For every “no” I try to have more than one “yes.” So today, I let my 12 and 14 year olds exercise their creativity.

Actually, they didn’t really ask my permission. They just know to leave mommy alone when she’s writing, and this was what they came up with while I was furiously trying to meet a deadline.

We replaced a water heater this week, and the large, tall box was sitting in the driveway. We also cleared a bunch of old paint that the seller left in a house Scot sold (don’t ask-as a realtor’s wife, I get pressed into all kinds of interesting tasks, including removing battered furniture and old paint left behind in homes he’s sold. On the morning of said home’s closing. In the pouring rain. Like I said, don’t ask!).

Anyway, my kids saw an empty cardboard box and old cans of paint. That’s all they needed to have an afternoon of fun. Lacking brushes, they got creative. They stuck sticks in the paint and splashed one side of the box with green, purple, gold and other colors, a la Jackson Pollack. Another side of the box ended up emblazoned with their handprints in those same colors. The third side they “signed” with their initials in spray paint.

They also cut small spy holes in the side of the box, and took turns wearing it like a robot costume, and playing a version of blind man’s bluff with it. They enticed the dog into the box, which they found hilarious.

They were smart enough to do the painting out in the backyard. They know I’m a mom who would applaud their efforts to entertain themselves on a summer day, so they proudly showed me their creation when it was completed.

So my parenting advice for today is: encourage creativity, even if it’s messy. My kids are not, at least for this month, enrolled in anything. They ride their bikes, play with friends, or make crazy art projects out of cardboard boxes. They have time to just play. It brings me great satisfaction to know that my kids can entertain themselves, play and laugh together, and be creative. If the lawn or their shirts end up with a little purple paint on them, oh well.

For more photos, check out my Facebook page. If you are not on my friends list, send me a request and let me know you’re a blog reader!

Today was a totally sweet Sabbath. In a classic last minute decision, my daughter decided that today would be a good day to get baptized. Our church holds baptism several times a year indoors, but only once a year outside, in the lake in front of the church. Families gather on the grass and watch and cheer.

So today was the day my little girl, who’s been good friends with Jesus for a very long time, decided she’d take an important faith step. It was fun to be with our spiritual family and celebrate.

Her small group leader Scott Rubin, director of Elevate, our junior high ministry, got to baptize her, which was great.

We saw other friends get baptized, we connected with church friends we had not seen in a while.

 As a parent, there is little that compares to seeing your children take significant steps in their spiritual journey. What a sweet Sunday!

In an attempt to keep up with technology and communicating with younger friends and readers, I joined Facebook this week.

I was at a meeting with the good folks at Zondervan Publishing this week (they’re publishing my next two books–WHOO HOO!) and mentioned that I had set up a Facebook account but really could not figure out what it would be good for other than a place to visit when I felt like procrastinating.

The marketing staff was all pumped and offered me all kinds of ideas, which I am slowly incorporating. but if you are on Facebook, please stop by my page and put in a friend request. (let me know you’re a blog reader!)

My 14-year-old doesn’t yet have an account but I told her she can only have one if I can be one of her “friends”–and therefore be able to view her page. Several of my other mom friends have done this. I’m a big believer in helping our kids navigate the culture, rather than trying to keep them completely sheltered.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this!

Reader Christine writes in with this question:
I have 3 teens and 4 young adults.  I re-married 1 year ago and I work full-time. God has really blessed me and I love my life.  But there are times when I wish I could spend more time with the Lord.  I am not sure what keeps me from taking that time. My husband and kids would not mine at all.  I feel as though I’m watching the waters wishing I could jump in, but can’t. Have you ever heard anything like this before?
Chrstine, I know very few women (or men, for that matter) who feel that they give as much time to the Lord as they would like to, or feel they ought to.  Especially women who have seven children and a full-time job (even if some of those kids are out of the house!). But the “ought to” is often what holds us back.

But I think a good place to start is to ask yourself, what does “time with the Lord” look like? If it is only an obligation, an “ought to”–that’s hardly compelling. It comes down to this: do you think Jesus is an interesting person, one you’d actually want to spend time with? And if so, what does “spending time” look like?

 When you are sitting at the kitchen table listening to your teenager, or when you are doing laundry, or when you are giving your best effort in the workplace, when you are taking a walk around the block to simply clear your head–isn’t God there?

So often we compartmentalize our lives, and we think, we’re only spending time with God when we are sitting studying our Bible, or saying our prayers. Those are great ways to spend time with God, but not the only ways. If God is separate from our “real life” then it makes sense that we would feel like we are standing on the edge of the water, afraid to jump. But what if God is not like water to jump into, but more like the air that is already surrounding us?

The Bible says God is everywhere. So we don’t have to dive into the water, we just have to breathe in his presence.  It’s just a matter of becoming aware of the fact that he’s there. We just have to notice him, in everything we do. The Bible often tells us “in all your ways acknowledge him.” (Proverbs 3:6) Acknowledge that he is there. Become aware of his presence. Notice his handiwork all around you, his spirit within you.

 When we listen to others, we can ask him for wisdom, and let him guide us. When we are doing work at home or the office, we can see it not as just a task, but as a spiritual discipline of service. As Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Paul’s words here echo the thoughts of Jesus himself, who told us that whatever we do for “the least of these” we do for him. (see Matthew 25:31-45)

So the discipline of service (and certainly housework and parenting are forms of service) has just as much transformational potential as hours of study and prayer–if we are aware that we are doing these tasks for Jesus.

Still, I think that feeling of holding back is normal. Ask yourself, what am I afraid of? Are you afraid God will ask too much of you? Or that he won’t show up? Again, it comes down to getting to know Jesus and realizing that he is an amazing friend, who is wise, who created all beauty, and who deeply desires to spend time with you.

Readers–let’s hear your thoughts on this! Can you relate to Christine’s questions? Do you agree, or disagree with my thoughts on this? I’d love to hear from you.